I have a huge thing about wearing bathing suits in public...I hate doing it.
I feel judged and analyzed, get in my head about my body insecurities, pick out every flaw and swear everyone else can see them too.
My body dysmorphia hits hard when others are around and my body is showing.
I've even missed out on swimming in my own backyard depending on who's over and if I feel comfortable around them.
Starting Dead Set - being a nutrition coach and personal trainer - has made it even harder for me. I feel like people have an ideal of what they think 'good health' looks like, and it's someone rail thin, AKA not me.
I get so many negative comments about it...but it's how I feel.
Today I went to the beach with my girl and played hard. Football, sand castles, dug a ditch and buried her in it...
I tried to let go of that fear of judgment because she's only going to be young once - one day she won't want to play with me anymore.
I'm even posting pics to show off how much I love this little mama. Big deal.
It wasn't a perfect mental health day but it was a victory nonetheless.
I've done a lot to love who I am on the inside. Loving every part of my outside is still a work in progress.
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